Hey Hal,
It’s Dave. Listen Hal, I’ve been struggling somewhat with my business, and although its on the right track, I was wondering if I could get a little loan to get me “over the hump” a few months ahead of schedule. Yeah Hal, I’m talking about a loan. But not just any loan.
No, what I think would work out great for me is one of those Government loans, like the GM deal. See, I only need to borrow about $20,000, a mere pittance in relation to the bucks the Feds have been handing out lately. We can structure it just like the GM deal, because after all, if its good enough for the Federal Government, it ought to be good enough for us regular, struggling independent business folk, right?
So I need $20,000, at 7% interest, and payable over the next 6 years. Now, if you want to get ahold of your Canadian branch and see if they want to chip in a portion of the principal, I’m cool with that. I just need cash and cash equivalents totalling $20,000 USD. Heck, I don’t really care if you gather up some rupees and pesos, as long as they add up to 20K and I can pay it all back over 6 years at 7%.
Now, in order for this to work like the Government does it, you’re going to have to come up with $80,000. $20,000 of that obviously comes directly to me, and the other $60,000 goes into an “escrow account” which we both have access to. I’m gonna blow the $20K on whatever I want (I am entitled to a big bonus and my GM needs a lavish vacation for his family), then I’m going to lay low…..for 3 months, maybe 4 or 5. Then I’ll go to the bank, withdraw $21,400 from the “escrow account” and pay off my note in full. I’ll probably spend an additional 5-10K in advertising to tell people about how I paid it off early, with interest, and it would help a lot if you and Mr. First Community would praise me publicly for doing so. That will create a “warm, fuzzy” feeling about me and my business, and make the bank look good too.
I figure we can split the remainder of the “escrow account” and it creates a true “win-win” for your bank and my business.
If you’re wondering where to get the money, look no further than the Federal Government plan. We simply steal it from the investors in your bank. Maybe I can meet you up there late on a Saturday night and we can go through the safe deposit boxes until we have enough. Good chance we’ll find some “cool bling” and other stuff that we’ll want to keep too.
In closing, I want to thank you for helping me to achieve the American Dream. E.F. Hutton was an idiot (as I’m sure you know).
“Earning it” is for chumps.
