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This morning I awoke to overcast skies, a broken clutch pedal, and the news that Shakira is outraged by Arizona’s new immigration law and wants Congress to work quickly to ensure that other States don’t follow Arizona’s lead in taking control of their own property and assets. The 33 year-old Latina pop star was on CNN recently, chatting with Sanjay Gupta about the new law, and giving some incredibly ignorant insight on the US Constitution, Arizona’s Law, and the way things work in the United States of America.

Like me, you may ask why CNN chose to interview a young, uneducated sex-seller about US immigration law when we have a wise Latina woman sitting on the highest court in the land. I can’t speak for CNN on that issue, but I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact that Shakira’s perky tits and onion ass trump Sonja Sotomayor’s Princeton education, Yale Law degree, and 56 year-old boobs and booty. I mean, Sotomayor is a smart woman, with a lot of experience, but have you seen Shakira’s hips? Surely a tramp with a rack like that needs to be listened to, right?

She informed Sanjay that she wasn’t an expert on the Constitution (demonstrating that she is conscious of those who aren’t masters of the obvious), but that the US Constitution was a document which gave freedoms and rights to people of all countries, all around the globe. In stark contrast to Sotomayor’s story of struggle and effort to succeed in a new country, Shakira feels that if you’re simply capable of hopping a fence, the world becomes your oyster.

Newsflash for Shakira:

You’re an entertainer. You have a terrific ass and a formidable rack.

ellWe hear your hips, and they’re saying “I’m tight, I’m sexy, and I’m stupid.” We get it, and we want more of it, but stick to the rap/pop/choreography and leave the thinking, and especially the speaking, to those who are as well-equipped for educated and insightful conjecture as you are for porn and pole dancing.

Don’t get me wrong. I love whores and trashy women. I don’t use them, but I see the need, and appreciate the void they fill. They are as important a part of our economy as doctors, lawyers, judges, and community organizers. And I love an accomplished pole dancer/ass-shaker/titty-squisher. Lord knows I love them! Dancers, porn-stars, and sexy Latina pop stars are ALL people who I appreciate, respect for what they do, and support however I can (whenever my incredibly wonderful wife allows 

 Shakira, I love you, amiga, but from now own, we just want to hear your hips, and not your lips.

Deal?

To those who subscribe to this blog for political humor (all 600+ of you!), please forgive me for this post. You have to know me personally, and in fact VERY CLOSELY, to understand what I’m referring to, and what is going to happen next.

By now, you’ve probably already heard a lot of bad things said about me. Some of them are true, and many of them are not. I was a fun-loving young man, irresponsible, spoiled, sarcastic, and “in the moment,” and in many ways, I still am. However, as amazing as it sounds when you say it, David is almost 50 now. Most of me has changed, some of me has not.

I’m not the same kid you knew, loved, hated, kicked around, hugged, and laughed with, or at. I’m more like my father than you know. I’m less like the boy I used to be. I’m not a genius, but I am not an idiot either. I take responsibility for my actions, and while I am extremely forgiving (those who know me best say I am “too forgiving, too trusting, and too soft”), I expect others to take responsibility for their actions as well.

My mother taught me that there are many things more valuable than money, most notably honor, loyalty, and the value of one’s word. My father taught me that you act deliberately, honestly, and “own” what you do. If you don’t like it, or aren’t proud of it, you learn, and change, bend, but stand.

I think of myself as cocky, sarcastic, fair, and loyal. Loyalty is something I value as much as anything in life, and if you are my friend, you can count on me whether you realize it or not. I try to be fair, always, even to the extent of taking the short end of the stick whenever there is a short end of the stick.

The “cocky and sarcastic” parts are all that those who don’t know me well can see, and a lot of that is by design. If you know me, and have gotten through those layers, you likely have earned my loyalty and respect. If all you see is “cocky and sarcastic” then you have not been invited into the fold, for whatever reason.

A very wise and powerful man just recently told me “Its just business” and I’m good with that. Honestly, I am. Sometimes there are things in our life that no matter what we actually believed all along, only have true value from a business angle, merely dollars and cents. But business is something that should also be fair, and loyal, and honorable. It is a relationship, sometimes a tradition. It is “a two-way street,” no matter how big and powerful your business is, and how small and insignifcant you view your customer. When you lose sight of that fact, you lose a lot more than just dollars and cents.

Tell them I don’t back down anymore. The 15 year-old kid did, but the 50 year-old man doesn’t. Tell them I know exactly what I’m doing. Tell them I am completely serious, and tell them I know they are as well. I’ve heard the “advice” they keep sending, veiled with threat, and I understand it, but I’m simply not going to back down. I don’t know if I’m able to anymore. If they want a truce, the ball was left in their court when I walked away last Friday. I will not return, and I will not try anymore to save something that never existed.

All I wanted, and all I want, is to be left alone. I don’t want to be, and am not part of that world now, except when they reach out from the gutter to try and drag me back into it. I have “Moved on, Jack.”

It is petty. It is vindictive. It is desperate, and pointless.

It is exactly what their company has become.

It is “just business.”